ASHLAND, Va. — A masked suspect went on a late-night bender at a Virginia liquor store this weekend, targeting the bottom shelf like a pro and leaving chaos in his wake. Bottles shattered. Alcohol pooled across the floor. A ceiling tile gave up the fight.
Authorities quickly confirmed the culprit’s behavior was, in fact, animalistic — because the suspect was an animal.
Police say the nocturnal menace broke into a liquor store in the Ashland area early Saturday and made a beeline for the good stuff, favoring scotch and whiskey before gravity, poor decisions, and a collapsing ceiling tile caught up with him. The rampage ended exactly where many legendary nights do: the bathroom floor.
When an employee arrived Saturday morning, they discovered the offender — a raccoon — passed out cold.
“I personally like raccoons,” said Samantha Martin, an officer with local animal control. “They’re funny little critters. This one fell through a ceiling tile and went on a full-blown rampage, drinking everything.”
Martin escorted the now-infamous “trash panda” out of custody and back toward sobriety, admitting the rescue came with more than a few laughs.
“Another day in the life of an animal control officer, I guess,” she said.
The Hanover County Animal Protection and Shelter later praised Martin’s response and provided an update on the suspect’s condition.
After several hours of sleep, zero serious injuries, and what officials described as “possible mild regret,” the raccoon was released back into the wild.
“Other than a likely hangover and some questionable life choices, he was fine,” the agency said. “We’re hoping he learned that breaking and entering is not the answer.”
As for charges, authorities confirm none were filed — though the raccoon is believed to be laying low, drinking strictly water, and rethinking his relationship with hard liquor.